It's been a long time...

since I last posted. It's been 3 months! So much has happened and I don't know where my head is at.

Nearly 15 weeks ago I discovered I was pregnant after trying for 5 1/2 years. We were over the moon and so very excited. I then went for my 12 week scan and it was discovered that I'd had a missed miscarriage. I'd had no pain and no bleeding but sadly our baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks. I then went on to miscarry at home 2 days later. It was a very long process and not like it is on the TV at all. It's left me heartbroken. It's nearly 7 weeks on and I'm still finding it hard. Every where I look, every time I switch on the TV there seems to be babies. This is one of the toughest things I've gone through in my life.

I have up and down days. Hopefully the down times will become less. I'm still grieving and it'll take time to start to feel better. Russ has been fantastic and a great support. He's found it difficult too.

I've been told that there's no reason why I can't go on to have a healthy pregnancy. After trying for so long to get pregnant I now feel that time is running out. I'll be 41 in a few weeks and I've only got a couple of years left. Only time will tell if it'll happen again.

On the WW front, I've totally given up. I've turned to my old faithful for comfort and it's working well. I'm putting on a couple of pounds a week. My clothes are all too tight, well actually they won't even do up to be just too tight, and I've had to buy some new bits and pieces.

On the exercise front, I had to go easier doing water workouts, then when I miscarried I was unable to go. I've now returned back to class last week and I'm slowly building myself back up to the 6 classes a week I was doing before. I'm booked in for 4 classes this week. Hoping to do 5 next week.

I've got something to look forward to though. We've booked a holiday to Sarasota in Florida and the 3 of us are going in 11 days. We'll be staying with family and I hope to do a lot of chilling and relaxing. No doubt I'll be doing lots of eating too.

Ryan has completed his exams and has now finished school. He had his school prom at the weekend and he looked fantastic. He looked so grown up in his suit. I can't believe he's going to be 16 in a few weeks. (We're both celebrating our birthdays in Florida.) I'm so proud of him. I suppose this holiday will be our last holiday as a family as I dare say he'll be wanting to go to Ibiza with his mates next year.

I'm hoping that after our holiday my head will be a bit clearer, my heart mended a little and I'll be able to return back to WW or I might even try SW on my return.

Please bare with me and I hope to return back to normal very soon. Karon xxxxx